Jerich

    Kevin came over again a month later.  He noticed something was wrong with me right away I think.  When I heard the doorbell echo throughout the mansion, I swung the door open and there he stood on the porch with his sleeping bag over his shoulder.  The first thing he asked me was if I was alright.

    “Yeah,” I said, “why wouldn’t I be?”

    “You look really sick, man.  Your skin’s all pale and shit.”

    “Oh …” I had no reply to that.  “Well, come on in.” 

    I led him into the living room and we sat down on the very comfortable sofa.  I picked up the gray universal remote from the coffee table and flicked the seventy-two inch flat screen television on.  I turned it to MTV and set the controller back down.  My favorite program, Cribs, was just beginning.  I turned to Kevin and saw how thunderstruck he was.

    “What?” I asked.

    “Dude, what the fuck are you watching?”

    “What are you talking about?  This is Cribs, dude.  Haven’t you ever seen it?  A really grand program.”

    “Firstly,” Kevin said, “only stuck up rich fucks say ‘grand’ and call a TV show a program.  Secondly, what’s wrong with you?  Cribs?  Seriously?”

    “Yeah … it’s a really cool show,” I informed.  “It’s fun to compare my assets with the belongings of celebrities, like Rob Schneider and the Three 6 Mafia.  It’s really terrif.”

    Kevin’s jaw dropped.  He grabbed my shoulders and stared at me in the eyes.  “Are you on drugs?” he asked.  “I’m not talking about weed.  I mean like fuckin’ heroin or meth or something.  You need to tell me, Johnny.”

    “What?” I laughed.  “No, man.  Drugs are bad, m’kay?”  I began cracking up.  “Hey, stop acting like lower-class, man, okay?  It isn’t healthy.  When you are around me, at least try to act like you are wealthy.  Capisce?

    “Is this all like a joke or something?”

    “No, stop asking me that.”

    “I … I’m sorry, but I gotta go.  Let me see your phone.”

    “What?  Fuck you, Kevin.  You’re just as asshole, you know that?  You are nothing but scum.  You’re just jealous, aren’t you?  Are you gonna go cry because I’m rich and you’re not?  Oh boo-hoo, crybaby.”

    Kevin swung his fist against my jaw and I was out cold on the living room floor.  A friendship lost.  Boo-fucking-hoo.

    A couple weeks later, I sat on the sofa, watching Punk’d.  I raised the Jericho bottle to my lips and let the orgasmic mist float into my lungs.  I licked my lips and stuffed the bottle back into my pocket.  Seconds later Mom barged through the door shouting with joy.

    “I did it, again!” she exclaimed.  “Nine million dollars, baby!” 

    I was stunned, to say the least.  Not for the money, though.  I was happy, don’t get me wrong.  This was going to make me so much more popular at school.  I did find it a little weird that she won off of the same exact numbers once again.  However, what I was really stunned at was Mom herself.  She was so friggin small!  It was like she had transformed into one of her dolls.  “Nine million dollars!” she squeaked.  “We’re rich again!”

    “Bamboo,” I chuckled.

    Needless to say, we made headlines again.  I tried to read the whole article but the words began bleeding out of the newspaper, making it entirely illegible.  It did not matter, though.  The only thing that did matter was that I remembered the combination for the safe in Mom‘s bedroom.  If I kept those numbers in my head and I had a steady supply of money then I was able to buy more Jericho, and that was all I cared about anymore.  The numbers were the easiest things to remember, too.  Can you guess them?  I’ll give you a hint … they were the same digits that Mom played for the lottery.  In the same exact order, too.

    It wasn’t soon after that that Mom and Dad got a divorced.  Dad moved out to Beverly Hills with some whore diva and we continued to live our lives as if I never had a father in the first place.  It was strange at first for me, but like the shadow he was, he just evaporated.  Mom replaced him with a couple of her favorite dolls.  They now slept in her bed.  Friggin’ psycho, I tell ya.  Why were rich couples always getting separated?

    I was dead on when I predicted that I would be more popular.  The people loved me!  Especially the girls, man.  They just could not get enough of me.  It was somewhat disturbing at how young the mothers train their daughters the art of gold digging. 

    I fell in love one day in Math class.  She was sitting in the front row, right in front of me.  Her long brown hair covered the back of her chair and her pleasant perfume lit up my day.  At first, I didn’t have enough courage to even speak to her, but the next day I performed the ole drop-the-pencil-on-the-floor maneuver.  She reached down and with her long pink fingernails, grasped the pencil, and handed it to me.

    “Yours?” she asked.

    “Uh -- yeah, it’s mine.  Sorry.  I’m Johnny,” I said.

    “Melisa,” she told me.  Her name was Melisa.  “I’m new.”

    “Yeah, I know.  Welcome, it’s a great school here,” I informed.

    “So I’ve heard.”
   
    And that was all we said, until the next day that is.  Each day we talked and talked some more about random topics until one day I asked her to come on a date with me.  And she agreed!  I took her out to a real nice fancy restaurant and then the opera.  It was a great night all in all.  When I walked her to her door I swooped in and gave her a good night kiss, but she grabbed my collar and whispered in my ear, “Why don’t we go to my room?”

    I looked at her in shock.  She was only one year older than I was but I think she still qualified for the category of ‘slut’.  I didn’t mind, though.  No harm towards me.  I went with the flow as she desperately grabbed my forearm and led me upstairs.  The whole time I kept a lookout for her parents but it appeared as if they were not home.  She threw me on the bed and smiled at me.  I smiled back.  As Melisa pulled her shirt off my smile grew bigger.  That was the night my innocence died.

    Over the weeks, Melisa and I grew into a very nice couple.  Sure, it was a relationship of sex rather than talking but hey, who was I one to complain?  She wasn’t so happy when she discovered my stash, though.  I was in the bathroom when it happened, and she was impatiently waiting on my bed.  Melisa suddenly got the urge to ‘snoop’ around and looked into my closet.  Needless to say, she found an abandoned, nearly empty bottle of Jericho.  She was waiting for me when I exited the bathroom.  She raised the bottle and looked me into the eyes.

    “What is this?” Melisa asked.

    “What’s what?” I said, trying to play the innocent role.

    “What the hell is this doing in your closet, Johnny?  Drugs?  You’re just a junkie, aren‘t you?”

    “No … that isn’t mine, Melisa.”

    “Oh bullshit!  I honesty thought you were different than the rest of the boys at school, but I guess I was proven wrong.”

    “Now, don’t be a bitch, Melisa.  Just be cool with it, okay?”

    She dropped her jaw in disbelief and whipped the bottle at my head -- her aim was dead on.  “Go to hell, Johnny.”  Then she stomped her high heels out of my room. 
   
    “Melisa?  Melisa!  Come back, baby.  Come on … I love you.  It’s true.  I love you with all my heart!  Come on Melisa just get back here and we can do whatever you want, okay?  Honestly, the shit is not mine.  Melisa!  Melisa you fucking bitch get back here!”

    But she was gone.

    The tears swelled up in my eyes as I bent down and grasped my bony fingers around the cold steel of the Jericho bottle.  I pressed down on the top button and held my finger there with all my might.  I sighed in relief as I emptied the rest of the bottle into my soul.  When I was finished, I dropped it to the floor and collapsed on my bed.  The springs gently bounced me up and down for a short moment.  I stared up at the ceiling, beyond the ceiling, really.  My eyes were like ones of an eagle’s.  I saw past the ceiling, past the holes.  I saw the sky, the airplanes up above.  I watched the aliens on Mars having cocaine orgies and the lizards on the Sun mud wrestling.  Such a wonderful time they were having -- I wished I were sharing the same type of joy.

    And that was when my wish came true.

    Melisa swung open my bedroom door and looked at me, smiled at me.  “Okay, I’m back.”

    “I knew you would,” I smirked.

    “I just can’t resist you.”

    “No one can, baby.  Ready?”

    “You know I am, Johnny.  I love you.”

    She ripped her red long-sleeved shirt off and let it drop to the floor.  She did the same for the rest of her clothes.  A hundred percent nude, Melisa crawled on top of my, swinging her breasts in my face.  I licked her neck and worked my way down to her bellybutton.  I descended further for the main course and soon later, she began moaning in ecstasy.  I grabbed her by her ribs and swung her under me.  As I entered inside her, Melisa clenched the bed sheets tightly, arching forward.  It was the best it had ever been.  I could have sworn it lasted forever, for an eternity.  However, eventually we both climaxed and it was unfortunately over.

    I woke up about six hours or so later and stretched my arms, yawning in the process.  I was in such a great mood; I had made up with Melisa in a BIG way and now we were in love again.  What else could I ask for?

    I felt Melisa under the covers so I reached my head in and gave her a nice ole good morning kiss.  She licked me in the mouth.  Now, that would have been awesome except for the little fact that Melisa was not the one underneath with me.  I shrieked and fell out of my bed, subsequently banging the shit out of my head against the wall.  I looked up to see Kylie staring me into the eyes.  The same way Melisa had looked at me when she came back in my room after the argument.  I quickly did a search with my eagle eyes for my girlfriend but there was no sign of her.

    “What the shit is going on?” I whispered to myself.

    “Ruff!” Kylie replied, and leaped off the bed and limped out of the room.  She limped!  Oh damn … this was bad.  Really, really fucking bad.

    I stood to my feet and rubbed my hands through my black hair.  “That’s it,” I announced aloud.  “I’m never touching that shit again.” 

    I was done.  I was going cold turkey.  I erased the word ‘Jericho’ from my vocabulary and got dressed.  No one knew about what happened the previous night, right?  Yeah, nobody could possible know.  Mom and Jimmy were not even home so it was all good.  It would just be my -- and Kylie’s -- little secret.

    The limousine was waiting for me outside the front door.  A half hour later, it was dropping me off at school and I held my breath as I slowly stepped out.  Just another day, no one knows squat.  So just calm down ole boy.  Keep cool.  I straightened my back and entered the school.  Everybody in the cafeteria was laughing their asses off -- just like any other day.  Everything was cool.  No one knew shit.  No one.

    I grabbed a cereal and milk carton and sat down with my popular group of friends; Melisa, Anthony, Samantha, Chloe, Logan, Xander, and … well, I could not remember the rest of their names.  They didn’t really matter I guess.  I began eating while everyone at the table just stared at me.  What were they looking at?  They couldn’t read my mind … I’m pretty sure they couldn’t at least.  What the hell did they want?  I picked my head up and looked around.  “What?” I asked. 

    “Have a rough night there, buddy?” Logan asked, obviously struggling back a smirk.

    “Yeah, did you have a bad night?” Samantha asked.

    “What are you guys talking about?” I wondered.

    “Looks like somebody screwed the pooch,” Xander laughed, which followed by more laughter from around the table.

    I tried to play innocent.  “I don’t understand.”

    “Oh save it, Johnny,” Melisa said.  “I came back yesterday.  I was going to forgive you … but then I saw you on your bed with you dog.  I saw you … oh God what is wrong with you?”

    I lowered my head in shame. 

    “I now pronounce you ‘Almighty Dog Fucker’,” Anthony announced. 

    “Haha Dog Fucker!”

    “Dog Fucker!”

    I stood up and sped walked towards the front door.

    “Where ya goin’, man?  Gonna find some more dogs?”

    “A little chow?”

    “At least take them out to dinner first, dude!”

    When I stepped out in to the cool breeze, I dashed away from the school grounds with tears rolling down my cheeks.  I stopped at a local gas station and called a limousine on my cell phone.  I was picked up ten minutes later.  The driver did not bother to ask questions.  That was not what he were paid for.  He were hired to drive and just to drive.  No more, no less.

    I was in my room, searching destructively for some Jericho.  I looked under my bed, my closet, in the drawers.  None.  Goddamnit!  I punched the wall and knocked away drywall out of pure frustrated anger.  I pushed my flat screen television off a shelf and watched as it shattered to pieces against the floor.

    That was when I saw it.

    Behind the shelf, hiding by itself, was a lonely bottle of Jericho.  Unopened!  Completely full.  I raised it to my lips and did something I had never done before.  I held my finger on the button and did not let go until the bottle was one hundred percent empty.  I shouted in joy and whipped the bottle out my window.  It felt as if my veins were shooting out of my body and my teeth were just now growing into my gums.  I thought my eyes were going to pop out of the sockets.  I smacked myself in the face and ran downstairs like a rabid animal.  Where was I?  I was not in the mansion.  No, somehow I had entered the guesthouse in the backyard.  Dolls surrounded my every movement.  They were on the sofa watching Nickelodeon, in the kitchen doing dishes, sitting at the dining room enjoying a nice meal of pasta.  In the bathroom taking a shit and in the bedroom screwing like horny prison escapees.  Donna, the plastic coat taker, turned her head towards me and said, “Hello, Johnny-boy.”  Her eyes turned devilish red and she growled, “Welcome to Hell!”

    “W-what?” I stammered.

    One by one, the dolls stood up and stared at me with blood colored eyeballs.  “We’re coming for you, Johnny.  We want your soul.  We’re hungry.”

    “No, it’s my soul!”

    “We don’t care -- now cough up the goods!” Liza croaked.

    “Fuck off!” I shouted, and kicked her against the wall.  “I swear I’ll kill every last one of you sonsofbitches!”

    “Do it.”

    “Yeah, melt us to liquid.”

    “Burn this whole Godforsaken place to the ground!”

    “The mansion, too.”

    “You guys don’t believe me?” I said.  “Well, fine!  I’ll show you!  I’m gonna crisp you like marshmallows.  We’ll see who’ll be laughing in the end.”

    I exited the guesthouse and looked up at the morning sun.  I laughed manically and quickly ran in the shed.  I came out with a gas can in each hand and reentered the guesthouse.  “I’ll show you guys!” I screamed at the nonmoving dolls.  I soaked the sofa with gasoline, soaked it good.  Then I went back outside and walked a good ten feet away from the guesthouse.  There, I created a line of gasoline that ended at the porch of the back door of the mansion.  I left the half-empty and other full can of gas at the stop of the trail.  Then, I went back to the guesthouse and flicked the stove on.  “Still don’t believe me!?” I yelled.  I lit up a match and tossed it on the sofa.  “Believe that!”

    I left the guesthouse and went back to the mansion, where I turned that stove on as well.  I skipped into the living room and sunk down on the sofa next to Jimmy.  I hadn’t really seen my brother in a long time to tell you the truth.  I had no idea what he had been up to, but I was pretty sure he was into cocaine now.  Whatever floats your boat, right?  I watched as Mom sat up from the loveseat and waddled like a penguin into the kitchen to no doubt pig out on some ice cream.  That was all she ever ate.  I swear, she probably bled Rocky Road.

    I tried focusing on the television show but I couldn’t help but think about those bastard dolls.  How could they call me a liar?  I might have been a dog fucker but there was no way I was a liar.  I was gonna show them, though, wasn’t I?  Oh hell yeah I was.  I was gonna show those fuckin’ dolls who was the liar if it was the last thing I ever did.